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Ways to look COOL in the weight room

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  • Grunt. Not just every now and then, but with every rep (no matter what you're doing, including wrist curls) let out a resounding HAAAUUNNH! Don't worry if people look at you strangely, they're just jealous because they aren't as vocally impressive.
  • If there's only one squat rack in the gym, use it to do bicep curls. After all, you're SO big that you really need that added protection and anyone waiting to do squats won't mind waiting because they want you to be safe.
  • Bring four or five friends to work out with you and spend at least a half-hour monopolizing each piece of equipment. If someone you know walks by, make sure to invite them to join you. Under no circumstances allow anyone else to get on the equipment though, you don't want to break your momentum.
  • Pose. After each and every set, stop to admire yourself in the mirror.
  • Don't, under any circumstances, bring a towel. It's hilariously funny to see another gym user slip in a puddle of your sweat and fall on their butt.
  • If a woman comes into the weight room, make sure to hit on her. She couldn't possibly be interested in lifting weights to improve her physique. She's obviously there to look for a man, probably you.
  • Focus on your chest, biceps, and shoulders. Don't work on any other body parts, especially not your legs. Nothing else matters.
  • Even though you're at 30% body fat and your six pack is buried behind everything else in the fridge, feel free to walk around the gym giving people training tips. Trust me, it means a lot coming from you.
  • If you feel like stretching out a little bit, feel free to use any open space in the weight room. People don't mind if you're blocking an aisle or their way to a machine. After all, it's important for a lifter to remain limber.
  • Drop the barbells to the floor whenever you're done with your set, and let the stacks on the machines slam together.
    It draws attention to you and there's nothing like being the center of attention.
  • The people who work at the gym mop the floors, windex the windows, vacuum the carpets, take out the garbage, and clean the toilets. Since they don't have enough to do, make sure you leave your equipment all over the weight room, so they can put everything back and really earn their $5.00 an hour.
Attributed to author Lindsay Buroker